my dear Karen only those who are going through what you are can know what feelings you have. I'm glad you had that time of peace down at his graveside, I know you will have many more. they only come far & few between now, but these times will increase. they then will be scattered with all those treasured memories that are locked in your heart. they will grow & fill that painfull space you have right now, but every so often the pain will return for just a moment in time, your mind will wander & you will go back to a pleasant place to enjoy the time you had to gether keep thinking on the joys of those years of motherhood you had with him, not many I know but they are precious sleep well my dear. God Blesss may your dreams be sweet. love you always Mom